The Muhammad Ali of American Politics
By Michael Moriarty
"I am the greatest!"
That’s what Muhammad Ali used to say every time he jumped into the ring. He became the boxing sensation of the world – and "I’m the greatest" was his catchphrase, as well as the title of Ali’s biography and of a 1977 film in which he played himself.
With all the criticism of my "grandiosity," I’m just forced to say it: "I am the greatest politician America will have ever seen!"
I’ll not only be elected in 2012, I’ll become Time Magazine’s Man of the Year! I’ll have four years to do it in. Yes, I’ll only need one term to do what needs to be done.
With grace, humor and style, I’ll walk in an easy stride all the way from Maple Ridge, British Columbia, to the Potomac River and into the Oval Office. It will take me six years to achieve this objective. Like that other great and grandiose American, Babe Ruth, I’ll point to the bleachers and hit a home run right into the mustard-stained hands of the American people.
I will face Senator Barack Obama in the presidential ring in 2012 and, well, Obama from Chicago will face the Bombah from Detroit! He’ll walk in with the odds… without praying to the Gods! He’s a "progressive," you know. They only reach for God when they’re diving for the foxhole… and until then, they laugh at prayer about gestating infants… butchered by the millions! Death is their answer to the problems of life, such as poverty, hunger and crime, not to mention the inconveniences of pregnancy and the pain of childbirth.
Hmmm…
For 5,000 years, we’ve been taught that, except for self-defence and food for survival, death and murder – and abortion is cold-blooded murder – our courts say that such ruthlessness can never be an answer to anything… but what are Judeo-Christian courts anyway, right? What’s justice? Do we even need it?
It’s all changed now. We’re "progressive." We’ve "progressed" through one and a half million abortions a year!
Obama’s friend Rev. Jesse Jackson says abortion is alright now… because it is without prejudice. It’s a Rainbow remedy to all our problems.
"We love children," says Senator Hillary Clinton, "and you know that… just read my books… but we all also know… there are just too many of them… there are too many of us!"
So who gets picked to live… and who is picked to die… and who does the picking?
We do now. That’s "progressive."
Today, Man has the power of God Almighty and Mother Earth. How’s it feel? Ladies? You can now be your own tsunami, your own Hurricane Katrina… and while the afflicted lay waiting for the doctors of New Orleans, one set of volunteer British physicians deliberately overdosed with morphine those condemned, the ones quickly diagnosed as unsalvageable, helped them to a euthanasia which the afflicted hadn’t even been asked to participate in, let alone had agreed to.
That’s "progressive." That’s the "New World Order." You’ll have six more years of that, America. It’s going to be the worst six years for America since the Civil War. There’ll be civil unrest that will make the sixties Vietnam protests look like The Jerry Springer Show. There’ll be political and ideological assassinations akin to those of President John F. Kennedy, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and Malcolm X.
There’ll be an eruption of so many supremacisms:
Everybody will be looking down on everybody else!
There is no room anywhere in the universe for any form of supremacism. Not even one atom can look down on another atom. And when scientists decided to split the atom, what did that bring us? Radioactivity.
There are many more pleasant ways to die than by radioactivity.
Not only are all men and women created equal, everything is created equal.
Then why don’t they think so? Those who believe they’re better than someone else? They become what the universe no longer wants. And when it’s over and done with, there’s a black hole in space, a dark corner of the universe, a region we will name after the worst, most horrid, ruthless, cunning and shameless of supremacists: Mao Zedong!
As far as Mao was concerned, there was the rest of the human race, the rest of life actually, all of it! And then there was Mao Zedong!
It is there, in the Black Hole, that Mao will send all the other supremacists, after first drawing these know-it-alls to his breast, dressing them in Mao pyjamas and dropping them into the sewers of Paris. Yes, the Monster will destroy his post-Revolutionary Franc-en-stein. And the children will ask, "Mamma, where’s Joseph Stalin?"
"Our there, honey, at the bottom of the Great Black Hole of Mao Zedong."
"Daddy, where’s Hitler?"
"Out there, son, at the bottom of Mao Zedong’s Black Hole."
"Why are they there?"
"Because they worshipped the void, the cold, the indifferent! A land known as Beyond Good and Evil. They even claim that Judas, who betrayed our Lord, knew more than Jesus. They call Judas a saint now! Well, they can worship their God/Man Judas while shaking in agony from the freezing voids of Mao’s Black Hole of History."
"We are the finest form of light, which is Love. We are the stars, the solar systems and the constellations. And the universe has yet to say, ‘There’s too much light.’ Eternity has yet to sing, ‘There are too many stars, too many solar systems, too many constellations.’"
Then our children will tell us, "They say at school that there are too many people on the earth."
"Well… honey, you know who told them to say that?"
"No."
"Mao Zedong. And for a while, darling, we Americans lived under the Mao Zedong Population Control Policy. Our Supreme Court ordered us to depopulate! We’d just lost the war in Vietnam against the Communists and had to give away our soul, burn our American flags and our inalienable right to life… upon creation, not gestation. Creation, honey!"
"Daddy, you’re the greatest politician of the Third Millennium!"
"Well, my darling, you got that right. I am the best candidate and I will be the greatest leader for the US of A in this new Millennium!"