Mr. Bin Laden,

Protest, I believe, is the most congenial word we can use to describe your assault on the Twin Towers of New York City.

Let’s examine the breadth and scope of your protest movement. We know from the demonstrations at every gathering of the World Trade Organization and G7 that, aside from the general Satanism of the West, capitalism itself is your greatest enemy. The World Trade Center was its demonic temple. The success of your assault has many young people of all persuasions quite delirious with victory. Some feel it’s sufficient vindication for the young, dead protester in Italy. Perhaps they’re willing to leave it there and call the battle even. Perhaps not.

The global media has correctly labeled the Twin Towers disaster a second Pearl Harbor. When Japan bombed that military installation, the world press warned Emperor Hirohito that he had awakened a sleeping giant -- the United States of America.

Well, I’m writing to inform you that you just awoke all of North America. As an American who has spent eight years in Canada, this continent is a sleeping God.

The spiritual genius that you and your fellow strategists have in your inspirational armory will not only be matched by the Judeo-Christian nations over here, but by our ultimate victory in what I hope will prove to be a non-atomic World War III.

Your greatest nightmare will be when Islam realizes that your version of the true god and prophet is neither Allah nor Mohammed.

Another God inspires the heart of your protest movement entirely, a Buddha-like presence whose ghost still reigns over one billion people – Mao Zedong. It is he whom you serve and his legions that will back you up. They will support you now, because they have to. We’ve all passed the point of no return.

Testing the mettle of President George W. Bush is paramount to China’s interests. Beijing watches the protest movements around the world. Most, of course, please China’s strongmen Jiang Zemin and Zhu Rongji, but they haven’t revealed the depth of Bush’s mettle. Only you have done that for them. They’re very grateful for your test run of America, I’m sure.

So, as protesters, you must be set for the response and it will make the Seattle anti-globalization riots seem tame by comparison. We are, of course, hunting you. That must have been clear. Now your expression is that of a camel caught in the headlights. Your followers will look to you for that light-speed genius you’ve shown in the last five years, to no avail, as you are slowing down in fear and trepidation.

Remember, Allah has allowed us blessings, the fruits of untold achievements. If He hated us, He would have destroyed us long ago. Instead, Allah looked on proudly as members of Islam shared in the wealth of North America.

Osama, Allah is hunting you now, and Muslims all over the world will stand in awe of the speed and power of their God’s vengeance.