The Devil’s Last Dance: Liberal Progressivity
By Michael Moriarty
The "Pyramid Heads" is how I refer to those Liberal Progressives. Their Christian membership dispensed with fire and brimstone speeches a long time ago. Now they say, among themselves, of course: "We don’t talk about that out loud."
Hmm… really.
"Really."
So the Devil’s NOT going to getcha?"
"Not the Devil YOU talk about."
What devil is that? And what is it about me that, apparently, just got the Devil wrong?
"You’re a Catholic. You’re the Devil itself."
Hmmm…
"We’re saving the human race from the ‘perverse religions,’ like the one David Koresh started in Waco, Texas!"
Oh, you did a HELLUVA job on him and his followers!
"Didn’t we? Burned them to the ground!"
Oh, so you DO believe in fire and brimstone.
"In some situations, yes."
So you don’t TALK about hell… you just serve it up, so to speak.
"Exactly. They can’t even see us coming."
Well, the American Militia knew you were coming. It was all over their blogs.
"We’ll burn them later."
Why? They’re not Catholic.
"Some of them are…and, anyway…it doesn’t matter. Those who don’t bow down before Christ as Science Itself and Woman as the Wisest and Strongest of the Sexes…well…they’re toast."
Boy, you’ve got this all worked out…and I just thought you were all eggheads. You know, intellectuals.
"That’s Bill’s part of the operation…he really understands them, does his reading…and, well, they just LOVE HIM!"
The eggheads…
"Oh, so you’re going to pull THAT lame shit on me…‘eggheads’… really… you are OUT OF TOUCH! Eggheads is as bad as Yuppies and Yippies."
Gee, now, you’re the one in charge of the youth, aren’t you? The one who wrote ‘IT TAKES A VILLAGE’?
"You got it!"
What about the children at the Waco compound? They died, too.
"They were obviously INFECTED! Beyond reach! They’d be incorrigible, you know. Child molesters are recidivists, turnstile depravities…and so are their victims. They’re never the same again! No matter how old!"
Well, I was molested as a child and I’ve done alright.
"No, you’re not. You’re a fucking Catholic! Probably got nailed in the confessional!"
No, actually… it was in the front seat of a car parked at a drive-in movie. I was 12 and the man was a United States Marine and one of my teachers… and to this day I still love him… he taught me courage.
"He should have been SHOT!"
And me along with him?
"Well, the softies would want to give you a chance but…"
The softies? I thought ALL Liberals were softies.
"Ya got THAT wrong. Janet and I are not softies."
Janet? You mean Janet Reno?
"The former Attorney General of the United States, yes."
I’m sure glad SHE wasn’t at the Drive-In Movie I was molested at.
"You’d have been toast!"
Right. So I’m without hope of redemption, eh?
"You got THAT right!"
Tell that to Oprah Winfrey… SHE talks about having been molested all the time… and invites other victims of molestation on her program to help them out.
"They’re lost…I guarantee you. LOST!"
Oh, well. Gee… I wondered how you and Janet could get over that Waco thing so fast… and now I know… yeah… you knew they were toast before you even sent the ATF team down there.
"It was a risk we had to take…we took it…and they’re gone! Those children of a ‘perverse religion.’"
I thought Thomas Jefferson said we could have freedom of religion here.
"Not THAT kind of religion!"
What are you going to do about Islam? I hear one of Mohammed’s wives was nine years old… I was only 12 but, Jesus…
"Don’t you dare think you can say our Lord’s Name in front of me!"
The Catholic Church has been saying it for 2,000 years.
"That’ll end! By God, that will be over!"
Oh, so you’ve got Christ all wrapped up, kind of.
"Yes! And you’ll notice how I will NEVER get out of Islam’s way as long as it treats women the way it does and abuses its young. Not on MY watch!"
Boy, you’re pumped and… uh… you think you’re going to win, eh?
"I KNOW I’m going to win! I knew I was destined to be President of the United States right after my valedictorian address at Wellesley!"
Really.
"Really! And I was…and AM… a force! Just like my husband’s a force that can’t be stopped!"
But are you THE Force?
"ALL of Humanity is increasingly on its knees to Science. Are you aware of that?"
Yeah… I’ve kind of noticed it… would that make you a Christian Scientist?
"No! God, no. Bill would have DIED had we been that insane. It’s ANOTHER diabolical religion, Christian Science…"
Oh, as bad as the Catholics?
"No… nowhere could you find as much evil as exists in the Vatican… no…the Christian Scientists are, well, the most profoundly naïve believers in Christ we have."
Naïve, eh?
"Yes, and you can’t be naïve around my Lord!"
So, when an adult molests a child… they’re both damned, eh?
"Pretty much."
What have gestating infants been doing in the womb to be damned by pro-Choice?
"They’re ‘the Taken ones.’"
What?
"You’re Catholic and you don’t even know your Book of Revelations… whew… in St. John’s Vision, the innocent are taken up by God so they won’t see or suffer the Apocalypse."
Oh… the Apocalypse… Which is coming…
"Oh, yes! Most certainly! The Catholics SAY they know that but don’t really believe it… they don’t believe anything…they’re evil! You know that! Haven’t you seen ‘THE DA VINCI CODE’?"
Well, I don’t get out much to the movies… don’t get out much at all these days… I’m a very lazy Catholic.
"It’s all in THE DA VINCI CODE, everything Bill and I believe in."
How IS your husband these days?
"He’s never been better…he’s doing what he was ordained to do all along…bring the True Christ, to the People."
Oh… he’s bringing the TRUE CHRIST to the People, is he? Christ said: "Do unto child molesters and their victims what you wouldn’t want done unto yourself…"
"Don’t play THOSE games with me, Moriarty!"
No, Ma’am, they teach games and Gamesmanship at Princeton University. The guy who started that course went mad, you know.
"But he had a beautiful mind… such an exquisite mind."
Why’d it fall apart?
"See the movie! Same director…same idea… the courage of Science and Learning…and everything our Lord was all along."
And, uh, kind of what Bill is now, eh?
"Yes."
When is HIS mind going to fall apart?
"Not possible… he… well… They all called the Christ mad, you know…but who’s really ruling the world now?"
Uhh… gee… well, unless Christ has a couple of A.K.A.’s… like Allah and Mao Zedong…it’s looking like at least a three-way split.
"It’s all Christ, you know… all of it… And that fact, in the end, will bring us all together."
Yeah…I remember your husband saying SOMETHING like that at a press conference…something about a common denominator beneath all religions.
"Oh, so you’re not so lazy you can’t watch TV?"
No, I don’t watch it but when I do go out to dinner there are TV’s you know…and, well, you just have to listen…or read the screen…I love reading…love the look of words on a page or a screen before me…so, I HEARD your husband’s words this time and, well, remembered them.
"If you hadn’t been molested there might have been hope for you."
Oh well… before you call in Janet Reno and the tanks, could you tell me if you think your husband is the Christ…the True Christ… the God of the Second Coming?
"Yes, I can tell you. he’s paving the way…"
Oh? Who’s coming along?
"The True Christ."
so… if THE DA VINCI CODE is right…Christ THIS time is a woman and… gosh! And who is your husband paving the way for?"
"You’re catching on."
"Man’s reason for being is to become the best he can. Surrender to the truth of Science and all will be well."
Really. I still think you’re all going to hell. you’ll take millions…maybe a billion people with you. You’re already racking up one and a half million gestating infants a year in America.
"We’re saving them from the ‘perverse religions,’ like the one David Koresh started in Waco, Texas."
Well, I suppose I'd rather be aborted than immolated.
"Why? Fire is so cleansing."
So you DO believe in fire and brimstone.
"In some situations, yes."